Overdue

There's something psychological about a due date that makes you feel, once it's come and gone, that you're in a straight jacket.

Of course that is unless you're one of *those* moms who feel great during pregnancy. One of those moms who "glowed." Well...not I. Though I certainly wish that was the case. I'm fully aware of the wonderful miracle that is taking place and the brand new human who will be here (not) soon (enough). But he needs to be miracling in his bassinet now, not my belly. I'm ready for that transition.

As it is I wake up feeling like I spent the night being beaten up. My back is a joke - my ability to stand upright is progressively declining. My ability to smile it away when people ask how I'm doing -- oh and the "are you still pregnant!?" and "are you sure it's just one?!" -- is rapidly disappearing.

Proceed at your own risk.

Swelling: check (ever-present, no reprieve)

Numbness/carpel tunnel: check (though wearing the splint at night helps the pain)

Sleep: fitful, restless. And when I wake up, pure suffering for a few hours as I reacquaint myself with being awake.

Breathing: shallow at best.

Attitude: getting worse by the day.

Hospital bags: packed a month ago.

Baby's room: ready for baby!!



Photo: me at 40 weeks, 08.31.12

Just Around the Corner

About a week from now, we'll have our baby here.



I went to the doctor for my weekly appointment this Tuesday and he said if we don't have a baby by my next appointment (Wednesday, 8/29) then we'll discuss inducing. Which we'll likely schedule for our due date, Friday, August 31st.



38 weeks [08.17.12]



So I imagine I'll be spending Labor Day weekend in the hospital for a couple days with a brand new little boy.



I'm trying to go into the entire process - labor and delivery, parenthood - as open and blank as possible. So many people are so very eager to toss their 2 coins into the fountain of advice surrounding all new parents. A fountain we most definitely did not build and did not ask to be filled with 2 cents after 2 cents worth of advice that perhaps worked for you.

There is so much information that is in conflict with a majority of the other sources of information out there that I would rather just have a basic understanding of what I've gotten myself into and then do it the way that works for me and for Kevin. I promise, we've done 99% of the grown up, adult stuff of life for the last 7 years entirely on our own. I'm sure we'll manage.



Dinner with Kevin, full term/37 weeks. [08.10.12]

 At the same time there is still a feeling of weightlessness as we dive slowly into the unknown territory of parenthood. No matter how many people think they are helping with their tips and tricks, we are still the ones who will be living the new reality of a tiny, new boy in our house who needs us for everything. And he is not your boy. You are not me. Our circumstance will be entirely different from all the new babies out there. It will be specific to us. There will always be an element of 'winging it'.





Pretty flannel blanket from Grandma H.

 Everything is as ready as it can be. I want to vacuum (again); finish the laundry (it's never finished!), wash some more dishes. The dog needs a bath and the guest room needs to be organized. I picture myself living in dusty, un-vacuumed squalor the first weeks of his life feeling, not only the weight of managing a new life but doing so with crumbs of cat litter underfoot, unwashed dishes in the sink. What an unpleasant thought!

But I know I have a handful of people who are genuinely willing to help. They don't proffer advice like a vending machine, like a broken record. They actually care about me and Kevin and our little boy. Those are the very select few people who will be a relief to have around as needed. To make a meal or wash a dish. Or sweep up cat litter.



For now we just wait! To see when this guy decides to come. Whether he comes this week or we induce, Kevin and I will have our little boy here by August 31st.

Eight. Days. Left.

35 weeks. 35 days to go.

Today marks the completion of my 35th week and the last 35 days of my pregnancy. The first several months went so slowly; I think I judged my progress on whether or not - or how much - I was showing. Once I started showing - around 4 months I think? - it started going faster. It's just a physical way to assess the progress I suppose and makes it feel like its going by faster? The last couple months in particular have flown.

I've felt so huge and clumsy, tired and achy and crampy. But I've been excited and happy about the "big day" getting closer and closer. It's been something of a roller coaster, emotionally. From day to day I am thrilled (yay! My own sweet little boy to take care of!) and then scared shitless (I'm going to be a mom! What was I thinking?!).

It's a good thing there are 9 months to get ready. All the back and forth has finally stabilized and I feel ready. I'm confident and happy and almost completely ready for a new little human to live in my house.

He has a beautiful bedroom waiting for him and a pretty bed and comfy clothes and lots of love. I know it won't always be pretty and I know there will be days and weeks of madness and chaos and freaking out. But I'm ready for him to be here and join out little family. I'm excited to see what he looks like and to figure out his personality and temperament and his likes and dislikes.

It's just hard to believe that we have a month to go before we are "officially" parents. It seems like yesterday was December 22nd and I stepped out of a late-night shower to see "pregnant" on that test.

He'll be joining our little family before we know it!

Can't wait to meet my little guy!!

Not sure how the pets will act but ... they better behave with a new baby in the house! ;)

... We might be a different story. Behaving: sometimes.