Summer Vacation

At the end of June, Kevin and I went on vacation.

We went to California for 8 days.

We stayed in El Segundo for a few days, went to Fresno and saw my cousin, and then went to San Francisco for a few days; we had never been to San Francisco and had an amazing time. Such a beautiful city contrasted by self-important people and horrible parking. Stunning parks though! And great food! We spent the 4th in San Francisco and were able to see a great fireworks show over the bay at Aquatic Park (by Fort Mason). Here are a few photos of our trip. Also, I haven't seen my cousin in 14 years, so that photo is gold.

First night in CA we ate at California Fish Grill; Kevin and his Ahi Tuna Salad.

Redondo Beach with my family. My cousin's babies, running off dinner. ;)

Sunset Blvd. In-N-Out. Of course.

The hotel they used to film exterior shots of the hotel in 'Angel'. *nerd*

Amazing Italian food we found in Fresno!

Me and my cousin.

On the Bay Bridge headed into San Francisco. Our first San Fran experience: witnessing an arrest. Good times.

July 4th. Kevin standing in front of our hotel, the Marina Inn, waiting to cross the street.

A cute mint-green Vespa. After a few days of endless walking, this seemed like the smarter alternative.

Kara's Cupcakes. YUM!

The Fleur De Sel cupcake: chocolate with caramel filling, ganache frosting and a sprinkle of sea salt. *inspired*

Fireworks over the bay!

Just walking around the city...

Some wild blackberries we (I) picked after discovering Tank Hill. Best view of the city, by far.

The beach in El Segundo after dinner at Andiamo's Pizza on Main Street.

Us!

Have you vacationed this year or do you have plans to?

Mike

This morning I woke up crying.

As my body emerged from the cloudy surface of sleep back into consciousness of time and bedsheets and hungry cats, I was aware that I had been dreaming about Mike.

I was standing with him and Emma and Griffin outside in the sun - we had taken them for the weekend and met back up with Mike on Sunday afternoon. He was wearing his signature jeans and smiling a lot. He was holding a cup of coffee in his left hand.

He was telling me about the kids' Christmas - they spent it in Europe and he was so excited for them - Emma was smiling, too. Then he was talking about the kids coming back home in January and then saying that he had done ... something ... with them in January. I can't remember what it was though. But as he was saying this I felt something telling me that January didn't quite make sense. I looked at Em and she wasn't smiling anymore. I put my hand to my mouth and felt tears welling up as I realized why none of that was real and then everything sort of went blurry and black and I felt like I was being pulled away.

He isn't here anymore ... it was ... just a dream.






Kevin and Mike in Denison, Mary Karam Gallery. 03/27/2010



Happy Christmas, hopefully

This year I have not been much in the Christmas 'spirit'. I was excited to put our tree up for the first time in our new house and I love it. I love the glimmer of the tree, I love the bright lights along the eaves of the house whenever I pull into the driveway after dark. I love hot mochas with Kevin and Christmas cookies and watching the cats play and sleep under the tree. I love watching 'It's a Wonderful Life' and 'A Christmas Story' and in a way trying to recapture (or capture for once) a different, happier feeling that Christmas is supposed to evoke. I'm pretty sure after 26 Christmases that the feeling of the Christmas spirit, of joy and magic in the air isn't so real as I hope - just make believe. I guess it's just made up by adults to make the very youngest of children feel like there is something wonderful about life and something to look forward to - cuz us grown ups are looking for it, too. Reality and the truth about false expectations sets in and we realize Christmas is just another man made holiday like the rest and just an excuse to buy things and eat more sweets than usual.

This Christmas Eve, my cousin Mike passed away. He had cancer and was fighting it hard for a couple of years. He leaves behind two wonderful young children and many, many friends and colleagues.

He is missed and will be missed as time passes and the truth of this reality sets in: he's not there anymore if I want to text him or have him over for dinner. I won't be at his house anymore drinking boxed wine and laughing about something trivial or talking about his next art show.

I feel angry and sad and shocked and uncertain. I am not sure what I feel or how to feel but I am pretty sure I have a conglomeration of feelings and conflictions going on all at once.

A pretty sad thing to dwell on at Christmas. We're supposed, I guess, to think about family and love and Jesus and lots of good food and company. It's next to impossible to do that when life's razor-sharp ability to sorely disappoint our expectations kicks us in the butt when we let our guard down just a little and dare to hope just a little.

Today Kevin and I are having turkey and mashed potatoes and peas for lunch and I'm drinking some Chardonnay. There's something ironically happy about the Christmas music playing in the background and the cats playing with each other. The lights are still on, the music still plays, and people still talk and live with one another. It just helps you appreciate a little more, I suppose, those people that you care about while they are here for you to talk to and see with your own eyes.

Bulgar Wheat Adventures

Bulgar wheat is not an easy ingredient to find, let alone explain and enunciate to multiple grocers who have never heard of it.

I got off work early this past Wednesday and spent some time -- the amount of which I had grossly under estimated -- shopping for a few last-minute ingredients for my the dishes I was going to prepare for Thanksgiving at my mother-in-law's the next day. I was making Sweet Potato Casserole, Apple Pie, Cranberry Bread and Tabbouleh. Tabbouleh is another one of those things that most people have either never heard of or, of they have, hold very a strong opinion about. I personally adore the stuff; I could prepare and eat an entire mixing bowl of it in a single afternoon. The wonderful thing about tabbouleh is that it's really good for you. There is not a single cooked item in tabbouleh; it's completely raw, healthy and inexplicably delicious. The last of those descriptors is, of course, entirely opinion. You first have to like all the ingredients in order to love them all at once in a bowl of Tabbouleh, and some people just ... don't (more for me!). I was afraid Kevin's family would fall into the 'not so fond of tabbouleh' category; if they did, they were too nice to say anything. Except for Kevin's Grandma, God love her; she cannot feign "Mmm, this is good!" very well at all.

Wednesday afternoon. 3:03pm. I pull out of the garage at work and head for my first grocery stop: Tom Thumb. Thinking that Tom Thumb is the 'best' (read: most expensive) of all the grocery stores and seeing that the Tom Thumb just up the street from my house is a Signature Tom Thumb, I hoped I would be able to find some bulgar wheat without a problem. I find the other ingredients I needed (canned yams, parsley, prepared pie crusts) and ask 3 -- yes, 3 -- grocers where the bulgar wheat is. I spell it, describe it, and tell them what brand it will likely be packaged under. They don't have it. They don't even know what I'm talking about except to say that it's very, very rare and that only Whole Foods or Central Market will have it. Well, I don't live in a neighborhood with upper-middle class Prius-driving soccer moms or 60 year old residents who golf and insist on only organic foods, so neither is especially convenient. I try the Mrs. Baird's outlet just up the street since we had luck there in the past (they have an entire section of those Bob's Red Mill specialty items - muesli and flax seeds and such). No. Not this time. They have about 6 items with flax seeds in them and even a gluten-free brownie mix, but no bulgar. 

On to the next. I try Wal-Mart knowing in the back of my head it will be a nightmare to navigate the afternoon before Thanksgiving (the only time it's NOT is at 2am on Sunday) and they will likely not have any specialty ingredients like bulgar wheat. I leave, disappointed yet again.l

At long last I am able to find it at Albertson's. Finally! What is ironic and vexing about this whole situation is that I had, a week prior, purchased (for 18 measly dollars) a 10 pound sack of organic bulgar from Amazon.com. Untimely delivery was set for the day after Thanksgiving. So I rolled my eyes and paid the $6 for a 28 oz sack and got to work in my kitchen. Everything turned out to my satisfaction, even though I was set back by over an hour because of all the unplanned grocery stops. Here are the recipes for all my Thanksgiving offering. Hopefully one of these years I will make my own turkey; I have yet to make a single Thanksgiving turkey!

Natalie's 'Famous' Apple Pie

Preheat oven to 375

Crust: 

I use prepared pie crust (brand does not matter). Set the package out at room temperature so the crusts can soften; they are easier to work with and don't tear when you unroll them.

Filling:

Start by coring, peeling and dicing 6 medium-to-large apples. If you have one of these and your apples aren't verging on applesauce, you can save yourself a lot of time! I have one but my apples were too soft - they kept falling off the spike. I usually like using a mix of Gala and Granny Smith to balance each other out (sweet and soft vs crisp and tart) but I only had Gala on hand which turned out fine.

Once the apples are prepared and in a mixing bowl, add the following:

squeeze of citrus, lemon or orange - just a teaspoon or so (or a splash of OJ if you don't have fresh citrus on hand)

2/3 c brown sugar (to taste - I like the warmth brown sugar brings, but I like to taste the apple's sweetness, too)

2 T ground cinnamon (again, to taste - I'm fond of lots of cinnamon in my apple pie but some people probably hate cinnamon)

4 T melted butter

pinch of salt

Stir this all together til all the apples are well coated. Taste a piece of apple to see if the flavor suits you and modify as needed.

This year I decided to do something I have never done with my apple pie and add a handful each of golden raisins and dried cranberries. If you like, dried fruit or chopped pecans or hazelnuts make a nice addition; even some vanilla, subbing honey for the sugar, whatever. It's a dessert that works very well with substitutes.

Roll one of the crusts into a pie dish (if you like using deep pie dishes, prepared crusts aren't good for this; also you'd need to bump the recipe up to about 8 apples, and modify the other ingredients as appropriate). Make sure the edge of the crust meets the edge of the dish all around (doesn't have to hang over though) and pour in the filling. Even it out over the entire pie dish and then unroll the top crust onto the filling. Tuck the edge of the top crust down on the outside of the under crust and lightly press them both down onto the glass. Once this is done, go around again and crimp the crust with your thumbs (or press with a fork, etc - whatever design you like).

Bake for about 45 minutes. The crust will tell you if it needs more time or not. Look for a light golden brown all over and slightly darker brown along the edge. Let it cool to set a little before cutting into it.

Some people like apple pie 'a la mode'. I personally think apple pie is better without frozen sugar and cream melting all over it, but that's just me. Serve it however you like, so long as you enjoy it!

Cranberry Nut Bread

The easiest bread ever! Just buy a bag of Ocean Spray cranberries (they are at every grocery store this time of year). Follow the recipe printed on the back of the package. I DO make the following modifications:

1. Double the cranberry - it calls for 1-1/2 cups, but I use 3 cups (one entire bag)

2. Put the nuts (I use a mix of walnuts and pecans) into a food processor and chop before adding to the dough

This bread is SO good toasted the next day with butter or cream cheese.

Sweet Potato Casserole by PS

My good friend and co-worker PS was kind enough to share this recipe with me. She has made it for years and it's been a hit, even with the 'I don't like sweet potato' bunch. I suppose you can buy sweetened or unsweetened yams (canned), but I grabbed the only kind I saw which was 'Sweet Potatoes in Syrup'. For this reason, I cut back on the sugar. Otherwise no modifications to PS's original and delectable recipe. Enjoy!

Preheat oven to 350

Combine the following in a medium mixing bowl then place mixture into a greased casserole dish:

2 cans (29 oz) sweet potatoes, mashed

1/2 c melted butter

1/2 c granulated sugar (recipe originally called for 1 cup)

2 beaten eggs

1/3 c milk

1 t vanilla (I used about 2 teaspoons actually)

pinch of salt

Topping:

In a separate bowl, combine the following, then sprinkle on top of the casserole.

1/2 c brown sugar

1/4 c all-purpose flour

3 T melted butter

1/2 chopped pecans

Bake for 45 minutes or until bubbly.

Tabbouleh

Tabbouleh is a traditionally Syrian (Lebanese) dish though there are a lot of variations in Middle Eastern cuisine.

I find it entertaining that Lebanese chefs are recognized by Guinness for making the largest dish of tabbouleh on record. That's dedication!

3 c bulgar wheat

2-3 bunches fresh parsley, washed and dried (I leave them bunched instead of untwisting them; makes it easier to chop)

2 tomatoes, diced small

2-3 lemons, halved and juiced

1/4 olive oil, or to taste

salt to taste

Most traditional tabbouleh recipes call for mint and usually onions (green) but I have never made it this way. Of course you can adapt however you want - this is another recipe that allows for a lot of flexibility. 

Soak the wheat in water until soft; takes about an hour. I place a collender inside a large mixing bowl and line the collender with a paper towel. Then pour in the wheat and the water. This makes it easier to drain the wheat once it's softened. Remove the collender and pour out the water and let the wheat drain a while in the sink, then transfer to the now-empty mixing bowl.

Add the remaining ingredients and mix thoroughly. Taste the tabbouleh and add more lemon, oil or salt as needed. The amount of parsley is also a personal think. Kevin likes more parsley than I usually add; he's more of a traditional Syrian than I am apparently, as there is more parsley than bulgar in the original ratio. ;) 

Some recipes say to let it refrigerate for a couple hours or overnight, but I think it's ready to eat as soon as possible. However, it does 'season' nicely so the next day just add more citrus or oil to moisten the mixture and it's wonderful.

Thinking about Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of those sadly overlooked holidays.

Take my neighbor, for example. She put her Hallowen decorations up - including a lighted, inflatable Jack-O-Lantern-Scare-Crow-on-a-Harley (fact) proudly standing guard on her front lawn. She is one of 'those' people; perhaps she didn't celebrate Halloween as a kid and is making up for it now, tenfold? When I was growing up, Halloween - erm, Reformation Day - was the one night annually that we, ignoring our usual alert and vigilant crime-detterance, intentionally left our porch lights off, shut ourselves into the living room and watched 'Martin Luther' (1953).

The day after Halloween is when many people traditionally turn to Thanksgiving: planning a menu and figuring out what side of the family you will grin and bear for the day, thinking of cinnamon rolls and coffee while watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade and that lovely feeling as you realize Christmas is just around the corner. No. Not my neighbor. November 1st, I come home from work (and it's dark around 6:15pm since Daylight Savings has kicked in): her house is aglow with flickering, colorful Christmas lights, her cactus draped in a white strand, her roofline twittering in full-color, her porch festooned in strands of snowflakes. She completely skipped Thanksgiving! Who does that?


When I was a kid, Thanksgiving was a good holiday in my house. No sadly-disappointed expectations of gifts (even when we get what we want, it's not quite as electrifying as imagined; I blame Hollywood!), no decorations to tear down and if it didn't snow, you really didn't care. The food is the centerpiece on Thanksgiving. Maybe this is partially to blame for my food addiction, even now. Mom's spread was over the top and more delicious than words can convey. Hers is the best Thanksgiving meal I have ever had. What is sad though is that I haven't had it in 6 years. I really miss it.

I really miss my mom's great cooking. Her turkey and homemade turkey gravy - lots of it (I hate going to people's houses and there is one boatful of gravy for like, 10 people. Doesn't each person get their own boatful of gravy? Btw, I love that boat and gravy are friends here...mmm). Her cornbread dressing with celery and sage and lots of garlic; her wild rice dressing with mushrooms, green bean casserole (after many years, she updated the delicious traditional green bean casserole with fresh beans and carmelized onions), sweet potato casserole, jello salad (not like any jello salad you have ever had so don't judge!), corn casserole and most years canned cranberries (apparently, the comparative qualities of canned vs homemade is a topic of debate). There is something magical though about a slice of gelatinous cranberry 'sauce' on a turkey sandwich with mayo the day after Thanksgiving. Homemade is lovely, but it just doesn't compare.


I miss the warm kitchen on Thanksgiving morning and knowing mom was up early, at least for a few minutes, to put the massive bird in the oven. I miss the din of the parade and then football in the TV room, our simple table and mom's French Countryside dishes (I love how the raised sides held in our huge platefuls of food - some plates are just too flat for Thanksgiving feasting!). My dad is a piemaking pro and he would always make his famous (yes, famous) Lemon Meringue and Coconut Cream Pies. They were divine. I remember in the old house we would put them in the laundry room on top of the drier, one in a vintage Tupperware pie carrier and the other covered in a lime green plastic bowl; it was cooler in there during the winter months and kept the pies but without being too cold in the fridge (you have to respect the meringue!). Dad's homemade crust and flour on the countertop, mom's Frugal Gourmet apron, our very old carving knive buzzing over the brown turkey (all of us vying for the crunchiest pieces of skin!), casserole dishes everywhere. Good times.

However bizarre my little family is, there will never ever be a Thanksgiving that will compare until I can eat my mom's Thanksgiving dinner again.


I'm thankful this year for my good husband, our new home, our health, and the small things.

What a beautiful day!!

It's been really cold (in Texan terms) for over a week now - wonderful, jacket-worthy weather. But today I went outside expecting the same and found that it is a perfect, mild day. I turned the heat off and opened my kitchen windows to the light breeze and the rustling leaves. Smiley was snuffling about in the ground cover and Kevin spotted Samantha again, but only for a minute. I went out to water all our plants and got my arm wet: it helps if the hose is connected to the spigot before turning it on full blast! I tried to take a picture of Kevin in the natural light but he decided instead I should be wrestled into the ground; I'd forgotten how fun it is to roll around in the leaves.

My plants are still doing really well, though I think my Morning Glories have bloomed their last for the year. They are yellow and wilty now. My Forget Me Nots are pretty, though still not a single bloom, and my Basil is, of course, still hearty. My jalapeno and avocado seeds have sprouted. I think it's almost time for them to come inside -- I think we're going to make a spot for all of them in the garage, though I'm worried about the lack of sunshine.

There is more and more color to all the trees and plants. I've noticed another bush at the side of the yard is yellow now - it was still green just last week. And of course the crepe myrtle is stunning. I can see the tops of the trees in our neighbor's yards and across the street and they have turned as well. Such a pretty array of Fall colors.

Kevin pruned one of our plants while I caught Smiley eying the yard through the glass door - I think he wants to come outside again.

They didn't come out after all. I think something startled them back inside.

My roses bloomed again, too. I think these are about the largest roses I've seen on this plant; flawless and fragrant. Something about flowers like this make me want to pick them and put them in a vase. Although my intention would be to enjoy their beauty while it lasted, it seems more shameful and selfish than anything.

My First Rice Pilaf

My mom used to make this great rice pilaf; fluffy rice with peas and tiny shrimp and ... I'm not sure what else. But I remember my dad really liked it. He and my brother had favorite things they always requested her to make: dad had his German's Chocolate Cake for his birthday and my brother had stuffed peppers. I never had anything like that. I have never had a niche, gastronomically speaking (or otherwise). I just ... love food.

Anyway, I haven't had pilaf in forever and I decided to try some tonight with my herbed chicken. I started some chicken (boneless, skinless) in the oven after seasoning it: Kosher salt, freshly cracked pepper, (a tiny dusting of) granulated garlic, paprika and parsley with a drizzle of olive oil on top.

I guess I never thought about the 'trick' for keeping the grains of rice from gumming together in pilaf like they tend to when you just boil rice on the stove. Apparently it just takes a little time in the hot pan before adding the liquid (I used chicken broth) to sort of toast the grains. I don't make Rice-A-Roni all that often so this step isn't top of mind when it comes to preparing a rice dish. The rice turned out wonderfully: individual, fluffy grains and not a hint of gum! I am very pleased with my effort!

To start, I melted 2 tablespoons of butter and added 1/2 an onion, diced, to a warm pan over medium heat; then I added 2 ribs of diced celery and let them soften for a couple minutes. I poured in 1-1/3 cups of white rice (though I'm sure brown or Jasmine would be just as good) and let it toast for about 2 minutes, stirring to make sure all the rice had time at the bottom of the pot. Add the broth (2-1/2 cups) and 1/4 cup of golden raisins (mmm); let it steam with a lid on til all the broth is absorbed. I stirred it just a couple times because I always worry my rice is going to stick. When I boil rice the usual way, I sometimes add a drizzle of olive oil to the water which seems to help. While the rice cooked, I toasted about 1/4 cup of pine nuts in a dry saute pan (not the non-stick variety) over low heat for just a few minutes and then set them aside. Once the rice is done, add the pine nuts and a handful of course-chopped basil (fresh) and some salt and pepper. It made the perfect accompaniment to my baked chicken.

Do you know of a great pilaf? I'm always up for a new recipe. =)

Another week has passed ...

The weeks fly by faster this time of year. Not sure if it's the fact we are pulled in three times as many directions with the holidays and familial requirements; obscene amounts of gifting and baking and traveling; getting sick; going to parties; and generally trying to stay sane. Whatever combination of elements, the Fall and Winter months feel harried and short and they pass by with so much 'ado' over what turns out to be nothing and so quickly forgotten.

That new DVD player for $3 at Wal-Mart (starting at 5am, limited quantities of course; and mind you don't trample someone to death on the way to aisle 12!) quickly loses its shine and those new toys find a place in the pile of rarely touched items that accrue and accrue in playrooms and bedrooms, pushed aside for the newer model.

Just reminds me how important it is to not get caught up in the hubbub and the madness. Enjoy the wonderful foods and the good times with the people you care about; the bright Christmas tree and 'It's a Wonderful Life' and hot cocoa, a cat curled up in a frosty window. Enjoy them just as you would the first warm day of Spring and the first nip in the air that tells you Fall is on the way; just as you would any small but hugely significant thing that passes by quickly but with potentially great effect. Enjoy them, but don't get caught up in the insignificant parts.

Life is the small things. People say 'don't sweat the small stuff' but life is just that: a sequence of small things that make up who we are as individuals. So ... sweat the small stuff. Make the most of it. Savor the small things and the short moments and the turns of countenance; a kiss or a smile, a laugh with a friend, finding common ground, a piece of chocolate, or spending the evening with your favorite person.

I realize more the older I get that there are too many lovely things that pass us by if we are fixated on the negative things or the toxic people or the 'what if's'. Cross the bridge when you come to it and make the best of it. Try to remember what you did right and change what you think you can to make it better the next time around.

I see, too, that research and knowledge and observation are some of the more fulfilling practices in life. Read and learn - there is always something new to discover. I can feel myself changing and improving with all the articles I read and words I learn and new things I discover that I didn't even know existed before. How could anyone ever be bored?

Just a few of the small things from my week ... 

My curious cat, Smiley. I love the look in his apple green eyes.

A mystery herb that decided to sprout again after weeks of ... nothing. I brought it inside to the dining room window since it's getting a little too cold outside for herbs now.

Old-fashioned Scrabble in a pretty wooden box. Kevin and I sometimes play games together in the evenings.

Inspired by my friend, I have a 'thing' for collecting pretty napkins. They are so inexpensive but make a simple lunch or tea and cookies that much more pleasant ...

Breaking off a little piece of hazelnut milk chocolate.

A pot of rice pilaf simmering on the stove.

My warm, cozy house on a cool Fall night, my three favorite people (Kevin and the cats ;), a nice dinner and Friday night...

Happy weekend. =)

Life is but a dream

Tonight in my kitchen ...

...I have a niece helping me make brownies before we watch a movie. Preferably 'My Neighbor Totoro' but 'Robots' will do, too since she is betting I'll "laugh my head off" or else she will be eating her shirt - yes, we made a bet.

...We went on an errand and I found a few new envelopes of herbs for my backyard garden. My Parsley and Coriander died when we were traveling this summer so I am trying out some new ones. I planted Thyme, Rosemary and Dill in little pots (these are all $5 at WalMart right now and too cute) as soon as we got home and will keep an eye on them on my kitchen counter everyday.

...Smiley is begging to go outside. I refuse to let him though since he's twice gotten himself lost and I'm just not OK with that. He is pretty sure he's a lion and the backyard is the African wilds. Squirrels and possums are his Gazelles. He sometimes tries to soften my resolve by swirling around on the floor and looking cute and fluffy - but it doesn't work this time.

...As I sit here Kevin and Karina are talking in the living room and playing with Kevin's devil sticks. The brownies are starting to smell lush and Karina has come in a couple times to take a swipe of batter from the bowl with one finger.

And...that's all. Just a little segment of my evening. Happy weekend. =)